Uncovering the Roots: Beginning the Journey to Healing from Childhood Trauma and Medical Gaslighting

THE BEGINNING:

Experiencing trauma in childhood can leave deep scars that extend into adulthood. These scars can affect emotions, relationships, and physical health. For those who have faced both childhood trauma and medical gaslighting, understanding the path to healing is essential. Each person’s journey involves confronting emotional wounds while navigating the complexities of feeling unheard by medical professionals. Then also imagine that you do not have a safe space inside of yourself, and that your normal becomes fight-or-flight.

In this blog post, I will attempt to start at the begging. This has proved a harder task than I had imagined; where to begin!?

Recognizing Early Signs of Trauma

Childhood trauma often reveals itself in subtle ways. It might arise from emotional neglect, significant life events like parental conflict, or experiences of bullying, which fosters a lingering sense of insecurity. A study found that nearly 61% of adults report experiencing at least one traumatic event in childhood, highlighting the prevalence of this issue. Mine really began with my unplanned birth to a drug using 20 something not remotely ready to be a mom. Even this story of my first part of life is told to me in versions. What is fact is that I was taken away from Cathy at around age 2 by the sheriffs. This became my first memory, and gave me an aversion to uniforms. I spent 2 years in the system that was giving her time to get clean and play by the rules; really all it did is mean that she visited toddler me every other week for a few hours and then I got to watch her walk out on me again. The long taupe colored hallway with an elevator at the end was burned into my subconscious; this is my first reoccurring night terror. My screams are all that is heard and when the doors slam shut I slam awake. I still have this dream every few months, at 39.

For many, trauma accumulates over time, creating lasting patterns that shape emotional responses and physical sensations. Start paying attention to your feelings. Notice if certain situations trigger anxiety or discomfort. Writing in a journal can help identify these patterns and lay the foundation for addressing them. I did not know until a few years ago how to start being present to identify my current emotional state. That took years of reacting instead of deciding, and many hours with my therapist. Love you Jan.

My adoption came with a move out of state, and a new fresh start for a decade, maybe less. I at a very young age was different, and didn't necessarily want to be. My dad and mom's attempt at help was transformed in my mind to them telling me I was damaged and needed to be fixed. I became the best, at everything that I tried. But I still felt empty, and when I looked in the mirror hated who looked back at me. I had no self worth or hint of self love. Everything that was being filtered through my mind was going through fight-or-flight, and I was reacting instead of making decisions. I felt empty, and full of chaos at the same time and didn't know how to cope. The injuries started young, and were many, I being a sports star/clumsy/reckless and always wanting to prove myself... to anyone! I now understand my part in my injuries so much more, and I and my brain played a HUGE role; but that is another part of the story. Back to the beginning, and the start of the gaslighting.

Understanding Medical Gaslighting

Medical gaslighting occurs when healthcare providers dismiss or downplay a patient’s health concerns. This can lead to feelings of frustration and a sense of being invalidated. One study highlighted that roughly 30% of patients have felt dismissed by doctors, further complicating their health journeys. I was still in grade school when mine began.

Often, early experiences of medical gaslighting can set the stage for future interactions with healthcare systems. For example, a child with a broken bone may have their pain minimized by caregivers, leading to a long-term lack of trust in their own perceptions of pain. This can shape how they advocate for their health as adults, often resulting in missed diagnoses or inadequate treatment. I once broke both of my wrists at the same time, and my mom waited days to take me in because she couldn't believe it to be true.

People accused me of seeking attention and even suggested that I was causing harm to myself. I assure you, I wasn't intentionally injuring myself, aside from that incident with the wall before I learned how to punch properly. I experienced numerous broken bones, and the surgeries began around the 6th grade, starting with one knee surgery and then another. That damn Plica band. These early injuries hinted at future problems. My X-rays never turned out right, and my CT, MRI, and even blood tests were often unremarkable or incorrect. Instead of asking, why are her bones breaking like this? Why does she have extra ligaments in her knees that tore? Why doesn't she seem to scan correctly? Instead it was; she is lashing out for attention because she is a traumatized young person. She is doing this to herself. It wasn't long before I became jaded. The injuries and breaks and tears continued, but I withdrew further. I found drugs, and sex; and the escape they provided. That also is another post.

The Impact of Childhood Trauma on Health

The relationship between childhood trauma and health outcomes is significant. Research shows that individuals who experience trauma are 2 to 3 times more likely to develop chronic illnesses, including autoimmune diseases and mental health disorders. This correlation underscores the importance of acknowledging past trauma when seeking medical treatment. If you read my diagnostic page I have all of the above. I didn't understand my role until recently; so my body went through the gambit, and western medicine had no answers.

Understanding this reality can empower individuals to seek appropriate help. Validating your experiences is crucial, and knowing that support is available can alleviate feelings of isolation. Mental health support, such as therapy, provides necessary tools for addressing these intertwined issues. Western medicine needs to do some catching up, so I recommend natural doctors or the like for these correlation conversations. I also highly highly recommend spending the time to find a counselor that you trust and can open up to. I took a few years and handful of trials before finding my fit. I was just committed to not feeling so shitty at that point.

Seeking Help: Where to Start, Cultivating Resilience Through Healing

As you begin to work through your experiences, remember that healing takes time and patience. Setbacks are normal, but developing resilience is key. Engage in activities that promote well-being, such as practicing mindfulness, journaling, or exploring creative hobbies like painting or playing music.

Surrounded by positivity and practicing self-care will encourage a stronger sense of agency in your healing process. Remember, small steps each day can lead to significant progress over time. I started at 92lbs and unable to walk or get off of the couch. My first mantra was, 'Every little cell in my body is happy, every little cell in my body is well (repeat); I'm so glad, every little cell, every little cell in my body is well (repeat). I sang this every time I washed my hands and looked myself in the eyes and tried with all I had to believe it. That was also the beginning.

You are also allowed to have 'bad' days. I have had many on this journey. 'Just don't set up camp and live there'-Jan.

Moving Forward on Your Healing Journey

Navigating the journey of healing from childhood trauma and medical gaslighting may feel overwhelming, but it is an important path toward reclaiming your voice and self-worth. By recognizing the signs, understanding your experiences, seeking support, and advocating for yourself, you can start to uncover the roots of your pain and pave the way toward recovery.

You are not alone.

Everyone starts somewhere. Next right step.