Am I the only one who feels this broken inside?

In a world filled with chaos, it often seems like we are walking around with invisible scars. I have carried this feeling of brokenness for years, an ache that persists despite my efforts to distance myself from it. I cannot get away from it because it is inside. It is me. I wonder if I'm alone in feeling this way. Do others also feel out of place, like misfits trying to fit into a world that feels vast and indifferent? Or is there hope for those of us who feel broken, a desire to stand out in a crowd rather than fade into the background?

The Desire to Fit In

From a young age, I noticed the social dynamics around me. I watched as my peers easily made friends and laughed without reservation. Belonging seemed effortless to them while I felt like an outsider. My heart raced with a longing for acceptance, for moments where I didn't feel alone. On the outside I was one of them, at least for awhile. Star athlete, singer, actress, runner, trumpeter, cheerleader. I did it all, a chameleon of sorts.

To fit in, I tried to shape myself into who I believed everyone wanted me to be. But wearing that mask only magnified my insecurities. The laughter I shared felt hollow, often fading beneath the weight of self-doubt. Inside of myself was what I call, "tilt-a-whirl of death". My thoughts came in too fast, and all with a harsh undertone.

As I moved into adulthood, the stakes rose higher. The longing to belong became a source of despair. For instance, studies show that nearly 30% of adults report feeling isolated or lonely. I began to question whether my quest for connection was genuine companionship or just a desperate need for validation. I learned it was neither. I was longing to heal. I spent 30 something years looking outward, for something to help me feel whole, and make the spinning stop. I had become a shell of a person, trying on different people faces and never donning my own.

The Weight of Brokenness

Healing from trauma is rarely a straight path. On tough days, feelings of brokenness can swell, intertwining with loneliness and hopelessness. Trauma left me with deep emotional wounds. I often find myself caught in a tug-of-war with my self-worth, doubting whether I deserve to feel whole even now. I am getting better with practice and counseling and that is what it has taken for me. I have had to learn to go inside and identify the feeling and trust that I can make a decision.

Some days transport me to brighter horizons of healing, while others remind me of painful memories. I’ve learned acceptance in my brokenness, yet there remains an odd push and pull: the desire to appear “normal” with the need for my struggles to be recognized. This complicated cycle can be incredibly draining. I wonder if any of you can relate.

Standing Out or Fitting In?

This journey toward finding myself feels like a balancing act. I often wonder if my desire to stand out comes from a need for praise or simply a wish to be seen. Every small accomplishment feels monumental, yet setbacks can lead to feelings of inadequacy. I am starting with how I feel.

One key insight I've gained is that healing is not solely about fitting in or standing out; it's about embracing self-acceptance. For example, a study in 2018 showed that individuals who practice self-compassion are 23% more likely to experience positive emotional well-being. I'm starting to see that acceptance and growth aren't opposites; they can coexist, and in my case they must.

It is my best advice. If you don't now, start.

Seeking Help: Embracing Counseling

Another crucial aspect of my journey has been the importance of seeking help. Engaging in counseling has unlocked pathways to healing I didn't know existed. Speaking with professionals who understand trauma offers a safe space, allowing me to confront my buried feelings and piece together fragmented parts of my identity.

Sharing emotions that linger in the shadows provides unexpected comfort. It feels like turning on a light in a dark room, allowing me to explore what I've hidden from myself. Through counseling, I've learned effective coping strategies to manage my feelings of brokenness while embracing my unique narrative.

I have also really learned a ton from trauma work like EMDR and highly recommend looking into what is available for trauma work.

Cultivating Self-Love

My perception of “normal” has evolved significantly. I’ve come to realize that the healing journey isn't a destination; it's a collection of small moments that together create a larger picture. Affirming my worth—flaws and all—has become crucial in this process. I have more glimmers these days than the feeling of spinning.

Self-love, often seen as an elusive goal, can be nurtured through daily practices. Simple acts of kindness toward ourselves can yield remarkable benefits. Activities like writing positive affirmations, engaging in mindfulness, or enjoying nature have helped me build a stronger sense of self—one that acknowledges my brokenness while celebrating my resilience. Get some sun, talk to yourself in the mirror like you do your dog; whatever and everything that works.

Finding Connection

Developing connections with others who share similar feelings can be incredibly enriching. This journey does not have to be experienced alone. By sharing our stories, we create a community rooted in understanding and compassion. That is part of my goal with this blog.

Connecting with others who understand the weight of trauma lessens feelings of isolation. Each of us brings our unique experiences to the conversation, creating discussions that promote awareness and allow us to feel more normalized in our shared struggles.

I had to choose to go inside of myself, rather than keep looking on the outside.

Embracing Our Stories

I continue to work towards a time when my mind remains peaceful with whatever is thrown my way, trigger or otherwise.

Next post we will get back to the story, and continue in the beginning of the story to reach the end. Travel on, next right thing.